We were waiting to meet the princesses. Ellie, at 5, was bouncing with excitement. Then she saw Aladdin working his way through the line. “Mommy, I don’t want to meet Aladdin.” She watched him slowly moving our way as she held my hand a little bit tighter the closer he came. I assured her he was very nice (I mean, look at that smile!). When he arrived to us at line, Ellie was still scared but started answering his questions quietly. When I told Aladdin that we had met him at Disney World a couple years ago, he told Ellie that she did look familiar and he remembered she was just a little bit smaller at the time (this guy knows how to work the part!). That helped a bit so she agreed to this picture. She was still not quite sure but she put her fear aside just for a moment. She was still afraid yet she was brave enough to move forward.
Most of us are brave and afraid in the same moment, all day long. ~Brene Brown
This quote strikes me most as a homeschooling mother.
I feel confident yet insecure most of the time. Have I made the right choice in homeschooling? Is it because of me that Matt still struggles with reading? Would Claire actually be grasping math better if she was in school? On the other hand, would Matt be teased for his struggles? Would his innocence and goofiness already be lost? Would Claire feel like a total failure because she doesn’t grasp certain math functions? Would her struggle with anxiety be worse? Would Ellie spend her days afraid without me there to hold her hand?
Looking at those questions, I know I have my answer. I am doing what is right for my family at this moment in time. Being brave and afraid at the same time is a good thing. I think it’s a healthy tension to live in. It does not allow life to become stagnant.
The homeschooling life is chaotic, loud, messy, at times frustrating, and at other times full of laughter. Good and bad, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In what ways are you brave and afraid at the same time?